3/31/2010

Army Physician Says, "I Am a Fucking Idiot. Now Watch Me Poop":


Who is this brave fellow in the photo? He is Army Lt. Col. Terrence Lakin, and he "serves as Chief of Primary Care and Flight Surgeon for the DiLorenzo TRICARE Health Clinic and is lead Flight Surgeon charged with caring for Army Chief of Staff General Casey's pilots and air crew." And he's got medals and ribbons and whatnots, too. All kinds of flare for his uniform. But Lakin is about to disobey orders because he's all het up about something.

What has Lt. Col. Lakin so pissed that he's willing to go to jail? Is it that he's about to be re-deployed to Afghanistan and now believes the war is a mad clusterfuck that we can't possibly "win" in any sense of the word? Oh, no. From a press release the Rude Pundit received from the American Patriot Foundation (motto: "Questioning the citizenship of men who become president since 2008"), Lakin said, "I am today compelled to make the distasteful choice to invite my own court martial, in pursuit of the truth about the president’s eligibility under the constitution to hold office."

In other words, "I am a fucking idiot."

Assuming this story is real and true (and there's documents and shit that back it up), well, it's just birther paradise: "Mr. Obama’s continuing refusal to release his original 1961 birth certificate has brought Lt. Col. Lakin to the point where he feels his orders are unlawful, and thus MUST be disobeyed. Lakin has today informed his superiors that he cannot understand how his oath of office to 'preserve, protect and defend the Constitution' does not permit military officers to pursue proof of eligibility from his commander-in-chief." To help the cause, the patriots at the American Patriot Foundation are gonna demonstrate their patriotism by setting up a legal fund in order to defend Lakin during his patriotic trial.

Lt. Col. Lakin has been beating this horse corpse since October of 2008, when he first "started to learn more about the issues and concerns" regarding President Obama's "real" place of birth. He says that he was going to volunteer to deploy to Iraq with his old unit, but then decided not to as he "sought out opinions from supervisors, friends and family." Finally, after being ignored by the Army's legal assistance office, probably because they thought, "This guy's a fucking idiot, and we've got all these cases of sexual assault to cover-up," he filed a formal Article 138 complaint, which is for grievances against commanding officers. He even got his congressman, Zach Wamp of Fuck-a-Mule, Tennessee, to forward the complaint to the Department of Defense.

And what was Lakin told? To hush his mouth because no one wants to admit the horrible truth about our secret Indonesian Muslim overlord? Good god, how deep did the nightmare go? Oh, wait. No, he was just told that Barack Obama wasn't his commanding officer, according to the Army regulations on military justice, and therefore his grievance was bullshit. That was in April 2009.

Remember, though, that Lt. Col. Lakin is a fucking idiot and he wants everyone to watch him poop because it makes him so proud. He is in maniacal pursuit of Obama's mysterious birth certificate of mystery. Because, you know, if the birthers saw another damn document, they'd just go away. So he filed the same complaint against Army Chief of Staff General George Casey. And in December 2009, he got the exact same fucking answer: Casey doesn't meet the definition of "commanding officer."

A smart man might just walk the fuck away. And Lakin must have some shitty "friends, leaders, [and] supervisors". Because if they didn't tell him to walk the fuck away, then they must be laughing behind his back, wondering how far they could push the fucking idiot. Goddamn, that must be great, drinking and guffawing about how Lakin actually believed them when they said, "Oh, no, Terry, you need to stand up for what you believe." It's like betting a dumb college student that he can't drink a gallon of milk. Sit back and watch the explosive vomit.

Don't worry, though, dear Lt. Col. Fucking Idiot. The American Patriot Foundation just wants to make $50,000 in ten days in order to defend your idiot ass. It's what patriots do.